Five Politically Incorrect Toys that Don’t Exist
Take a stroll down the aisles of your nearest Toys-R-Us and you’ll see just how drastically toys have changed over the years. However, the land of Make Believe is still quite popular with kids. Their playthings tend to mimic grown-up activities and careers.
But while the pretend aspect remains the same, technology and pop culture have elicited quite a few brow-raising differences. What if kids’ toys took off on more of pop culture’s “unappealing” aspects? Let’s take a look at a few ideas…
Toy #1: Paparazzi Play Kit
With reality TV going strong and children becoming more involved in Hollywood traditions, it seems reasonable that toy manufacturers would develop a Paparazzi Kit.
The kit would include a pretend camera with shoulder strap, night vision goggles, a bulletproof vest, designer shades, and kneepads for those unfortunate brushes with bad celebrity drivers.
Toy #2: SAW Movie Series Digital Board Game
Following the Saw horror movie series is the SAW Digital Board Game, which can accommodate 6 to 8 people.
Players must maneuver around the board without falling into the Jigsaw Killer’s hundreds of fatal traps. Pull Clue Cards to reveal vital information; solve intricate riddles to keep yourself alive or-brutally murder your opponents. Game requires 27 AAA batteries; Jigsaw Killer Talking Doll sold separately.
Toy #3: Monopoly Gentrification Game
There are already dozens of Monopoly game versions on the market, but none quite like this one. This game board comes complete with full pre-existing urban communities. The huge Twister-size game board comes with long stretches of public housing, liquor stores, and “check cashing places.”
The first player to knock down all the neighborhoods and erect luxury condos and gourmet supermarkets wins the game.
Toy #4: “Multiples” Baby Doll Sets
Twins and triplets are cute. But reality TV dictates that “multiples” are the new going trend. This toy comes in sets with 6, 8, or 18 babies. “Multiples” baby kits come with multi-seat strollers, a pretend reality show contract, and a fake prescription for anti-depressants.
Toy #5: Plastic Surgery Patty Doll
This kiddie “life-sized” doll is the perfect toy for your little aspiring cosmetic surgeon. Plastic Surgery Patty has fat that can be liposuctioned, an adjustable nose, and 3 sizes of breast implants that can be switched out.
The doll also comes with a small battery operated air pump for injecting lips with “collagen” or for adding girth to the rear end. (Malpractice waiver sold separately.)